Christmas is in my heart

I have permission to quote another blogger, whom I enjoy reading very much. His name is Dr. Rob Lamberts. I found him quite by accident. None the less, here's the link to his site if you'd like to visit. http://distractible.org/

This one is about Christmas.

Real Meaning
December 22, 2008

Every day I go to work and spend time with suffering people. They come to me for help and for comfort. They open up to me with problems that they would not tell anyone else. They put trust in me - even if I am not able to fix their problems. I serve as a source of healing, but I also am a source of hope.

Christmas is a moving season for many of the same reasons. No, I am not talking about the giving of gifts, or the time spent with family. I am not talking about traditions, church services, or singing carols. I am not even talking about what many see as the real meaning of Christmas: Mary, Joseph, shepherds, wise men, and baby Jesus. The Christmas story most of us see in pictures or read about in story books is a far cry from the Biblical account. The story we see and hear is sanctified, clean, and safe.

Before I go on, I want to assure my readers that I am in no way trying to persuade them to become Christians. I am a Christian, but whether or not you believe the actual truth of the story, there is much to be learned from it. I find it terribly hard to see the real Christmas story here in a country where the season is filled with so much else - much of it very good. It is far easier to just be happy with family, friends, giving gifts, singing songs, and maybe even going to church, than it is to contemplate the Christmas story. I think the Christians in our culture have gotten way off base on this - much to our shame.

Christmas is not about prosperity and comfort, it is about help to the hopeless. The central doctrine to this season is the incarnation: God becoming man. God didn’t become a man because he thought it would be nice to spend time with us; he did so because we were hopeless. He didn’t come to live in comfort, but to be poor. He didn’t come to help good people, but to rescue the outcast. He didn’t come to hear cheers for saving people, he came to be rejected and so to identify with rejects. He scorned the self-righteous, and embraced the shameful.
What about the Christmas story itself? Mary got pregnant out of wedlock and Joseph chose to bear the social shame. They were in a country that was occupied by a foreign empire, ruled by self-seeking despots and self-righteous religious leaders. Jesus was born in a barn - not the clean manger scene we are used to. The birth was announced to shepherds - people who were scorned by the “good” people of society. The local ruler was so worried the messiah would overthrow him, he sent death squads to murder all children under two in the town where Jesus was born.
Fact or fiction, the scene was not pretty, but instead was filled with pain, despair, and hopelessness. This is hardly what we see on TV. This is hardly what we hear in church. That is the setting describing the first Christmas, not a mall or warm living room with a tree. Christmas is doesn’t hide from pain, it addresses it.

Whether you take it as truth or just as an inspiring story, we should pay far more attention to this meaning. Yes, it is great to give gifts and be with family - I will be doing that as well. But there is no escaping the pervasive pain and suffering in this world. The Christmas message is not about sheltering ourselves from that suffering, but instead going out among the suffering and providing comfort. The lonely woman weeping in the exam room or the drug-seeking addict who is trying to pry a narcotics prescription from me - they are the ones to whom this Christmas message is proclaimed. Whether you do it to imitate God or simply to be a good person, we can perpetuate Christmas by helping instead of hiding.

Credit

To those who spend little time around the suffering of others, I urge you to break out of the cozy shell and really celebrate Christmas. Pain and suffering are not far from you; even in our affluent society. What I encounter in my exam room has convinced me that society is obsessed with denying this truth. We have made Christmas into a comfy commercial family time, when the real meaning is something far more profound. If you don’t feel adequate to help the suffering, then let me offer this: medical professionals are no more morally upright than the rest of society, yet we are honored with the task of helping the suffering. We are no better than you are. Really.
So go out there and have a great Christmas.

December 2, 2008

I’m decorating. I have a newly purchased tree and it’s a BIG one. I can’t reach the top of it, even with a ladder…that calls for my darling husband (DH) to have a great opportunity to be my white knight, once again.

I love taking my Christmas decorations out of the boxes each year. I oooh and aaah over each and every one, delighting in their beauty and uniqueness. I remember when and when I got each one, and who gave them to me if I didn’t purchase it myself. It’s like Christmas morning, opening gifts, except I get to open every box. No one really likes helping much with the decorating. It takes a lot of time to get everything out and set everything in its place. But, anything worthwhile does take a lot of extra time, doesn’t it?

I broke an angel tonight. She/He fell off the mantel. I grieve for her because I’ve owned her for at least 30 years. There are four of them, made of alabaster. This one’s going to have a hole in her back now, forever. I was trying to glue the piece back on when it accidentally fell into the hole I was trying to fill. Since it was covered with super-glue, it stuck to the inside and won’t even rattle. She’ll never get to stand in front of a mirror again, and she’ll be placed in the background. Well, maybe not. Maybe I’ll have compassion on the fallen angel and bring her to the for-front, cracks and all. It was really my fault she fell. I knocked her over trying to arrange the greenery behind her.

The snow has created the winter wonderland that we often sing about here in Michigan. Gobs of sticky, heavy, incredibly white snow, making every thing look clean and fresh. I do have a love/hate relationship with the snow. Right now it’s love, but by April it’ll be hate, when it’s all dirty looking and I’m tired of shoveling it. But for today, I love looking out my windows and seeing all the tree branches looking like someone dumped frosting on them. (Someone did…) Most of the trees just stand there, covered, with arms out-stretched towards the Lord. Others are bowing before Him, with the weight of his glory upon them.

December is always a special month for me. The birth of my savior, Jesus Christ, has got to be the miracle of all miracles. Peace on earth, good will towards men. I like to read it, Peace on Earth, Good will towards ME! God’s will is good for me. He wants me to have peace. Christmas reminds me of that. It’s also the month that my DH and I decided that we loved each other. The glory of Christmas romance (sounds like a good title for a Christmas novel) was all around us in 1974. And, it returns year after year. We talk about it every single year, remembering our first love and the first time we held hands while caroling outside someone’s house with our church group.

Tomorrow I will share with my business friends at a women’s luncheon the reason for the season and my hope for the New Year, my year of jubilee. I don’t mean to get all religious on them, but Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ. Without him, there is no Christmas. Praise His name Jesus, forever more.

My new friend

I haven't been this inspired, uplifted or encouraged in many many years. Amy Barzach (Bar- (son) of Zachariah,) was absolutely a sent one to me and to the women of our community. People are raving. Women who have lost their passion are seeking it once again. Those who are frustrated have direction. I know of several changes in the lives of both men and women who listened to her simple story, that are taking place right now. I will be working with Amy whenever I can. Her message is basically a different way of sharing the faith message, (since there really is only one message that brings results), in one way or another. No scripture was presented, but I heard it loud and clear.

I must admit that since Amy left, (she stayed here in my home for 5 days), I'm seeking the Lord about his calling on my life. I'm seeking His will and I know that 2009 will be a year of change for good. Don't miss the Christmas party for our little Women's group in December. I'm going to preach a bit. I will explain and sing the reason for the season. Jubilee will be my theme. I prayed several hours today while driving up to my mothers, and that's what I received to do.

The Lord allowed me to share Jesus with her on several occasions. As a devote Jew, she listened, but of course through her Hebrew filter. She was very touched by my story of recovery from abuse and how it took Jesus to save and deliver me from evil. She listened very intently. She had never heard Christian worship music. I made her six CD's. She loved it. I shared with her the power of worship and the healing that it brings. She'd never heard that before either. We were together morning, noon, and night.

She was a blessing and an absolute divine appointment. Here is her website. Check it out when you have a chance. Check out the huge award she won last week via Martha Stewart! Holy Moly boys and girls!

http://amybarzach.com

I am soooooo excited. Amy spoke all over the city at various clubs and at a city meeting for officials. She spoke at CMU both to students and to administration. She spoke to two groups of women. We are changed. I feel happy, joyful. It's been a while since I've felt this way.

I am seeking God to find out where my passion lies. I am trying to remember what gives me pleasure. Something that I love, that's mine. Not my family, but a lost dream. I know it's within me. Thanks for your prayers.

It's been a long time since I blogged...

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13

It’s 8:30 a.m. I’m home alone. Thank God. It’s been a horrific time these past couple of months. I didn’t know if I’d ever get through them and yet today I’m still standing. I’m being a sister of satin today. I’m not going to get dressed today, just sit around in my satin bathrobe and listen to comfort music. (Make sure you're not reading this Satan, it's SATIN, a fabric!)

First the Rotary Auction. Successful yes, but worth it to me personally? I’m not so sure. It ate my lunch…took up every free moment. Dealing with 360 items, 200 businesses, several hundred bidders, many political politicians who want to use the venue to get their name out there, plus 55 Rotarians, almost sent me to the home for the bewildered. I literally worked 12-14 hours a day for weeks. I fell into bed around 2-3 am, since I had to work at my office during the day hours. I ended up taking a week off from my “real job” just to get things done. That counted as a financial loss for me. No one can imagine what it takes to collect that many donations, categorize them, advertise them, (radio and news papers) photograph every item, put them up on a website, made up gift baskets and then in the middle of the auction night, live on the radio, all the phones go down. The sense of “OH NO” and the feeling of spiraling downward hits the pit of your stomach. I’m still cleaning up auction junk. Unhappy bidders, and not paid for or picked up items. Plus, a few wrong items, etc….yada yada. Thanks to my daughter Joelle, sister in law Barb Beebe and faithful husband…I went through it and raised 21K bucks. Thank you Lord.

In the middle of that process other Rotarian were on my butt about, “When are you going to have a new directory”: and “Do you have a list of everyone’s birthdays”, do you have last month board meetings minutes? Plus, we have new members, the attendance report is due, order badges, make certificates…. on and on. If I didn’t believe in Rotary, I’d think it’d be time to quit the club. My volunteer secretarial position takes up 40+ hours a week.

In the midst of all that, my new sofa that was supposed to take 3 months to arrive (since I ordered special fabric, etc.) came in 4 weeks. Okay then, time to remove every bit of furniture in all the rooms and have the white carpets cleaned before the new stuff is delivered. Uh-huh and then after the cleaning, let the floors dry for a couple of days. Oh goody, we can sit in the kitchen. So, my housework load increased by 10.

Not only that, but son Billy and wife Hilary bought a fixer-upper house and needed help with the girls. So, a two year old and nine month old camped out here for long weekends. I enjoyed them immensely, but the workload was overwhelming. Without Joelle, I couldn’t have done it. Husband Bill helped more on the house project while Jo and I tended the babies.

My mother also continues to decline (Alzheimer’s) so I am there up trying to take care of her weekly. I don’t enjoy the drive, even though the fall leaves are beautiful. And…my dad wanted me to help him do a garage sale. I’d been promising him all summer that I’d do it, and I wanted to keep my word, since they are both so dependant on me. He’s been planning on it. He’s old now. And mom is nearly 87. He’s trying to winterize and thinking he may need to sell his house in the spring and move closer to me. Now, everyone knows a garage sale is a ton of work. It’s especially hard when I’m watching mom so she doesn’t do something to hurt herself, keeping my eye on Leah, trying to unload a ton of junk from my own basement, price everything, and set it all up on a COLD- 38-degree weekend, just wasn’t my idea of a treat. I sold around $200 worth of stuff, but had tons left over since the weekend was rainy and cold. My dad did manage to sell stuff he wanted to get rid of. We had to go back up there the next weekend to deal with all of the leftovers.

Mid- Auction crunch, my emotions went to "H" when baby Susanna’s thumb was severed off. Thank God for the hand surgeon who repaired it and we just heard that last Friday the final stitches were removed. The weeks of wondering if the grafting would take, kept me in a constant state of prayer. Of course everyone was upset. I felt so bad for my son who was questioned by the police and felt like a bad parent. I felt sorry for Susie who hurt and Leah who was scared. I felt bad for Hilary trying to hold the family together while painting, cleaning, and picking out things for the new house. It seems, (no one really saw it happen) that Susie was holding onto a wooden toy-box type step stool with her thumb over the edge when Leah jumped off her bed and slammed the lid down on Susie’s thumb. Now Leah is just 2 years old, (hey, recently turned three) and of course didn’t do it on purpose, but all the blood, screaming, paramedics and panic did a number on her as well. Of course we wanted to bring Leah here so mom and dad could deal with Susie and the surgery, etc. She then had a bout with the flu and threw up all over my bed one night. YUCK, Yuck, Yuck. I stopped and rocked my baby.

My “real job” coordinating ¾ of a million bucks and dealing with city leaders for the new Access to Recreation Trail and park, hit a snag with the DEQ when the hydrology studies came back in a negative way. Plus, I have several major events in the works, including a luncheon for 350 women, (Nov 12). I’ve invited a guest speaker Amy Barzack from “Boundless Playgrounds” to speak and educate the general public regarding children with disabilities and a need for recreation opportunities for them. Again, invitations, lists upon lists, travel arrangements, books ordered for the signing, on and on…. it’s a huge work. I have Amy booked to speak at CMU to several classes, at Rotary and at the community partners dinner. My quarterly reports are due to Kellogg…still not done, but due on Oct 7th.

We have our annual meeting for the foundation next week, which includes a huge dinner, and the annual newsletter is going out next week… Again…. how can I describe the workload?

I have a community partners dinner planned for local group homes and people who care for people with disabilities set for Nov 10th. Last week my venue called and said they really couldn’t pull if all together for Nov. Okay…. find a new venue and caterer…no problem…next week I’ll look.

I had to set up and man a booth at the Business Expo last week at the Soaring Eagle Casino and Resort. No help…tons of work…pouring rain unloading the car…. Help me Rhonda…or anyone else who’s available. Bill and Joelle showed up to help me take it all down after it was over. It was another 14-hour day. (And you wonder why I don’t have the “thank you” letters out to the auction donors. Yeah…right.)

And to top if all off? Greg, the head of Mt Pleasant Parks and Rec department had a heart attack last week and died. 54 years old, nice wife and two daughters. I grieve for them. I grieve for me. He was heading up the construction of the trail I'm working on. His funeral is Saturday…just how I wanted to spend my first weekend off.

I finished my television show and editing. It looks good. I added the music and flourishes two weeks ago. It will start playing on TV next week. It’s all about the Foundation and the high school scholarships that we give out.

I’m in charge of marketing and publicity for the county’s Sesquicentennial. I met with a CMU professor two weeks ago and will use a few interns to prepare a huge…. many pages…history type of newspaper for the Morning Sun. It’ll go out next August. I can’t even begin to think further on this one. (How did I ever get here?)

Leah turned 3 and we had her party last Saturday. She’s potty trained and hasn’t had one accident in months. Thank the Lord. I love having her with me, even when I’m working. She is a lot like Ainsley. Very studious. Susie is learning to walk now and is a cutie pie. I don’t have her here as much, but when I do she’s a joy. She gives me a reason to stop working, to sit down and to rock.

My leg continues to swell and hurt. I’m not working out at all and that is bothering me too. I condemn myself daily regarding diet and exercise. Yes, I do grab fast food at times. I had a vascular surgeon do the vein injections a month or so ago, but so far it hasn’t helped.

Nothing worries me more than the upcoming election. I recently read “Dreams of my Father” by Obama. What a RACIST! And his buddies, terrorist William Ayerst, Jeremiah Wright, Freddie Mack and Fannie May leaders, Acorn…on and on.

He supports partial birth abortion. Come on people…look it up, how it’s done…Scissors in the back of the head of a newborn whose head is out of the mother and the little body is still inside? How sick is the person who’d support a candidate with that view? I am appalled. Yes folks, that does matter to me. I question the judgment of anyone who’d let that issue slide so they can have their own little benefits. Vote for the continuation of killing newborns so you can have health care, because you want a CHANGE? Give me a break.

I get the “I’m not a one issue voter” all the time excuse. Well, this issue is life and death. I’m sorry. I cannot be a friend to you. Yes, I may lose a friend or two, but I have standards, morals, beliefs and value systems that must be upheld within myself. Yes, based on God’s Word. I don’t need anything else to rationalize my thoughts toward voting. LOOK AT THE VOTING THE RECORDS…PLEASE…. At least McCain is pro-life and has actually shed blood for this country.

I’m amazed that anyone who really researches and thinks about what they’re doing would vote for this sweet talking guy-talking sweet kind of lies. I really have no time for stupid people who can’t think for themselves and just have the “my name is Jimmie, I’ll take all that you gimme” attitude. It’s as old as Al Capone. People with the victim mentality.

People, who think taxing businesses will help them personally, are simply ignorant. Why have a company in America at a 40% tax rate when you can operate the same company in Mexico for 11%? People need to wake up and remember that businesses are there to make money, FOR THEMSELVES!!!! Not so Americans can have nice jobs with benefits. Again, why work and go through the governmental headaches of owning a business if not to create money for your own family. Jeez Louise…how ignorant can some people be?

We are deathly afraid of the socialistic turn this nation is taking. The thought of O'bama, Pelosi Reid, Dodd, and Frank, who are basically responsible for the financial crash, (regardless of what you think) create a sense of hopelessness in Bill and I. Why even bother to work so we can dutifully pay for everyone’s health care? I think we should all quit our jobs and get on the government dole like the rest of the idiots who are voting for the “O’Bama benefits”.

And taxes… my God. Billions of dollars for bailouts? Who’s going to bail out my poor grandchildren who’ll end up paying for this? It looks like China will own them by the time they're grown.

I’m so disillusioned, because McCain didn’t really give us a reason to vote for him. He doesn’t get it that the words “raise capital gains tax” doesn’t resonate with people who don’t have capital to be taxed. He doesn’t get that “he’ll raise your taxes” doesn’t matter to those who barely pay taxes. He doesn’t understand that “reaching across the aisle” is betrayal. He needed Guilliani to clean up the crooks and Romney to clean up the financial mess. But no…He doesn’t even ask them for help.

Sarah Palin? Well, truly she is the Debroah, Ester, or Lydia of our day. She has MORE experience than O'Bama on every front. His 180 Senate days, where he obtained a million dollars per day for his pet projects, doesn't compare to her term as an Alaskin Govenor. I pray the anointing on her will break the yoke.

Pray…. that’s all I can do. I’ll vote, but God will let people destroy themselves if they want to.

Bill is so discouraged. He doubts he’ll ever be able to retire, since our 401 is lower than ever. Not enough to retire on by any form. Our house, being in the 400-500K market will not have a buyer anytime soon. (Not that it’s on the market)… But, Bill and I cannot work like we are now forever. We will have to throw ourselves on the mercy of our God. Being wholly dependant on God is a good place to be.

Now I’m going to go clean this house and write thank you letters. I doubt anyone will enjoy this long journal. But I don’t really care. I wrote it for me. I wrote it to God. He’ll understand and say, well done.

Stanley Cup Finals

Tonight I'm watching the play off game between the Redwings and the Avs. Wings are currently ahead, but in the penalty box. Back to back penalties.

I'm tired. It's midnight.

I wanted to drop a line or two to let you all know that I've been busier than a bee this past week and haven't had the energy to blog. But, I'll be back.

Untill then....Carry on.

Crap...The Av's just scored. It wasn't Ozzies fault. We're still ahead.

Another Birthday Song

You're Aging Well Words and music by Dar Williams

Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
The road signs point us adrift and make us afraid
Saying "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"
Oh I don't like the signs that the signmakers made.
So I'm going to steal out with my paint and brushes
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal
She goes out and steals the King's English
And in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you
They say"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared,
but I did, I could tell,"
And "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh,
"You're aging well."

Well I know a woman with a collection of sticks
She could fight back the hundreds of voices she heard
And she could poke at the greed, she could fend off her need
And with anger she found she could pound every word.
But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise
It said, "Don't hold us back we're the story you tell,"
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani
Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing"
We're so glad that you finally made it here
You thought nobody cared,
but we did, we could tell
And now you'll dance through the days while the orchestra plays
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, you're aging well.

"Now when I was fifteen, oh I knew it was over
The road to enchantment was not mine to take
Cause lower calf, upper arm should be half what they are
I was breaking the laws that the signmakers made.
And all I could eat was the poisonous apple
And that's not a story, I was meant to survive
I was all out of choices, but the woman of voices
She turned round the corner with music around her,
She gave me the language that keeps me alive, she said:
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here
With the things you know now,
that only time could tell
Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, you're aging,
oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh and I am aging,
oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, aren't we aging well?"

My birthday song

COLBIE CAILLAT
Getting Older-

Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go, life goes on
Wasting no more time
So much to be done
Everything works out
So they say
Over my shoulder,
it's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah.......

(Chorus) Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of grey and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older
Here before my eyes, many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance
What lies down the road
Feeling so confused, turned round
On and on, on and on yeah yeah.....

Help...I'm surrounded by liberals...

What a week…whew…. surrounded by liberals and people who actually referred to themselves as the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) Nazis. Talk about disheartening. I’m home now and so tired I can’t see straight. Long week, long drive, lots of education, lots of irritation, mixed together with the grace of God. I did in fact learn some great things and enjoyed a lot of the classes.

Of all things, Indiana University hosted several special celebrities while I was there. Students were sleeping all over the hallways everywhere, trying to get one of the limited tickets to these free events. This was the guest list while I was there. Monday- A musical (sorry, forgot the name), Tuesday, Billy Joel, Wednesday, Bill and Hilary Clinton, Thursday, Barak Obama and the David Matthews Band….

In all of this I was seated next to a wonderful republican lady named Margee. We had kindred spirits and ended up sharing a couple of meals together. It was nice to have a friend amidst the liberals running all over campus, asking me to register to vote and to support Mr. Hope, Obama. Just what we need. Twenty year olds deciding who runs the country. Think back to when you were 20 and stupid….right? (disclaimer, not all 20 year olds are stupid and make stupid mistakes. My youngest son is still in his 20’s and is marvelous, doing great things in this life. But, he isn’t experienced enough to run the country.)

One should take the time to remember that Hitler’s mantra was peace and hope. Try googling it. You’ll find plenty of references regarding Hitler and his peace/hope rhetoric. I looked it up tonight.

I guess what I really don’t understand at all is how intelligent people that I love and use to respect, are buying this. They really don’t have a clue what Obama stands for, they just think they do. I pray to God these “Christians” will do a little research, besides reading Obama’s book and use their brains. Yes, I’ll read his book if you read Gingrich’s “Real Change”. That’d be fair, don’t cha think? I have read Obama’s website. It scares me to death for my grandchildren.

"I want Health Care! I want Education! I want, I want, I want…yup, it’s all about them and their wants. So, if you worked hard all your life, you go into debt and take the time to get an education, you really don’t have a social life, get to play sports, or have fun, (because you’re working) you owe me. I want the government to take your money and give it to me. Sit down, Shut up, Give me your money."

What hypocrites. I went to the Soviet Union in the 80’s when it was still communist. Believe me, you don’t really want it.

What about what God wants? Don’t cha think he’d like babies to be born and not end up with a pair of scissors in the back of their necks on their way into the world? That’s only one thing, but that alone would be enough for me.

I’m so disappointed…

I've Arrrived...

Yes folks, I'm actually attending a university. I'm at the University of Indiana, in Bloomington, IN. The campus is old and beautiful, inspite of the rain. There's flowers here. I haven't seen a flower since last October. We still have snow in Michigan.

I'm taking a course on people with disabilities. There's around 100 people in my class, from all over the U.S., from Hawaii to New Jersey, from Idaho, Oregon, Florida, and several other states. Mostly parks and recreation departments are here. I'm here to learn what my job is all about.

I'm enjoying it very much, learning a ton. My questions are being answered.

I'll fill you in with more later. I'm very tired. Drove 6 1/2 hours to get here last night, and had 8 hour of class today.

Have a good night and don't forget to recreate.

Yes, I'm stealing....

I am going to post another bloggers words. At this point I don't have her permission, so if she answers my email with a NO, I'll have to delete it. You see, today, I had a rough day at the office. In fact, the whole week has been a mess with various situations. But after reading Notes of an Anesthesioboist, I reconsidered. Compared to her day on March 14, my day was a walk in the park.

I read this gal's writings all the time. I don't know her at all, not even her name. I stumbled upon her blog by accident. None the less, I think of her as a friend, since I read her all the time. I believe she's from the Philippines, and now lives in Boston. She's an anesthesiologist and takes her job very seriously.

When she retires, I hope she becomes a full time writer. She deserves to be published! I sure wish I could write like this, was educated like she, and have the musical talent she has. But if I were, I guess there wouldn't be a need for me anymore, since she is already here and established. Does that make sense?

So, without further ado, here goes...

The Last Day

Today I had to deliver a deeply painful message.
What do you do when you have to tell someone this: I'm sorry, but if we operate on you today, you'll die tonight; if we don't operate, you'll die tomorrow?
The surgeon who called me to confirm this devastating news for a patient was my friend Caroline Walsh, with whom I shared another tough, sad situation described in my Veteran's Day post.

Caroline was asked to evaluate an elderly woman with a terminal illness and a perforated bowel. The woman had a whole host of other conditions that made her what we, with our jargon, would call a "poor surgical candidate." From what Caroline, the ICU nurses, and the chart told me, this was someone who might not survive induction of general anesthesia. In fact, the clinicians who knew her best didn't feel she'd even survive the ride home in the ambulance unless she took with her the drug infusion that was maintaining her blood pressure. The woman had a DNR/DNI order in place.

When I arrived inside the ICU I met the woman's son and daughter-in-law, who was in tears. I spoke to them with Caroline, then was introduced to the woman's husband, who looked weary with grief. Then I went and spoke to the patient herself, a lovely, alert woman with short, wavy, snow-white hair and kind eyes.
I told her if we proceeded with surgery, I would have to intubate her and would likely not be able to remove the tube - ever.

I said the induction of anesthesia posed grave danger to her. Caroline had also already told her she might not survive the surgery or its foreseeable complications under the circumstances.

I told her I was concerned that if we proceeded , we would be unable to honor her wishes - namely, to spend meaningful time with her loved ones, aware of their presence, holding their hands, talking to them.

I told her that what Caroline and I wanted for her, and what she and her family also appeared to want, was for her to be comfortable, and to be able to share in her family's company, not to be hooked up to a ventilator and pressors in the hospital with Caroline and me.

She agreed.

Her husband, son, and daughter-in-law stood by, heavy-hearted, taking this all in. Her other child, a daughter, was on the way. Caroline and I promised to be available to all of them if they had questions, then took our leave. As I exited the ICU I hurled my protective gown and gloves into the trash with a bitter kind of resignation. Another patient for whom we could do nothing. Another family left broken-hearted.

She may have found her way back home with her family as I write this. Tomorrow, or the next day, she will die. As I drove home I had a jumble of thoughts in my head, none easy. Did I say the right things? In the right way? Why is it so hard to remain unruffled by emotions - as Caroline and I did our best to remain, as we were professionally obligated to do - when others are weeping in pain around us? Did the woman and her family feel supported despite our "professional" demeanor? If it were my last day on earth, would I want to know? What would I do? Whom would I want beside me? What do I want to see, do, experience, before that day arrives? How could I bear the pain of knowing I would never see my children's smiling faces, feel my husband's arms around me, again? Never another starlit sky, another warm fire in the hearth at Christmas, another passage of my favorite music, a moment of irrepressible laughter in a cozy home or over a favorite meal... Never again the scent of fruit newly opened, or the aroma of smoke from a candle just blown out...

I know this: the O.R. was not the right place for this lovely woman to spend her last moments, unconscious, bleeding out, with a tube in her windpipe and a bunch of stressed-out docs and nurses scrambling to try and help her survive. She belonged with her family, among those who knew her and loved her best, encircled by love, affection, and human comfort, and I hope that's where she is now.

As I wait, I'll rise up like an Eagle...

Okay here goes. I have to write a story about myself. Secretary and web master (me) Kathy Beebe joined Rotary in 2004. I was recruited by the imfamous Ken Schaeffer. From the get-go I took an active leadership role, as newsletter editor. As other things came up and needed to be done, I always seemed to have my hand up, volunteering to serve the club.

I do a bit of everything. From set up to take down, paper work, record keeping, board meetings, music, computer programming, and writing, I do it all. This includes running around town willy-nilly, soliciting items for the auction, of which I am chairman. I am there for every project and event, doing my best to fulfill my pledge for “service above self”. Needless to say, I love Rotary, but more than the organization itself, I love the Rotarians.

In my “real job” I am Coordinator of Access to Recreation for the Mt. Pleasant Community Foundation. (See below.) That has led me to work with the Women's Initiative's Speaker Series. Also, I am serving as chair of publicity and promotions for the Isabella County Sesquicentennial, to be held in August of 2009, and will again serve as Rotary Auction Chair this year. I help my pastor's wife with projects for her Women's and Children's ministries when I have a few extra minutes. I am secretary of the Mt Pleasant Women's Forum, which meets once a month as well. (Wow...no wonder I never have time to clean my house.)

In my “real life” I take care of my elderly parents one day each week. That is especially hard since my 86-year-old mother has Alzheimer’s and my father has suffered three strokes.

The love of my life is Dr. Bill Beebe of MidMichigan Health and my four very accomplished children, aged 29, 31, 33, and 36. The joy of my life is Leah and Susanna Beebe, my two incredibly beautiful and brilliant granddaughters. I have the priveldge of caring for my two year old Leah on a fairly regular basis.

Joelle, Billy, Hilary, Me, Doc, Jon at the Eagle Award Ceremony. (Ainsley was in Florida)

"I thought we moved to Mt. Pleasant for you,” I recently said to my husband, “But now I know, it was for me.”

It's our 34th wedding
anniversary on March 2nd. Yay Us!

Few couples have what we have. Love, admiration, respect, and high regard for each other. It feels like we just got married yesterday. Praise the Lord! We are truly blessed.

Smartest Baby in the Whole Wide World

Absolutely....Leah is the smartest one. I've been patiently waiting for her to learn how to talk. Now that she's two, she's picking it up a bit. So, I must brag like all good grandma's do.

Now, the above picture looks like the work of a surgeon, wouldn't you say?

Yesterday, Leah was jumping around and tumbling on the sofa while her mommy was sitting across the room feeding little sister Susie her bottle. Leah called out, "Look at me momma, I'm full of numbers, 1,2,3,4, 5, Good Job Leah!" That's my girl, showing off, then talking to herself.

She also wanted to help mom by bringing Susie her pacifier. When she got to the chair she noticed that mom was feeding her a bottle. Leah takes a look and says, "nevermind...you've got milk."

So, my friends, my grand daughter is not only the most beautiful child in the world, she's also the smartest. Do you want to see her picture?

HOLY MOLY BOYS AND GIRLS!

Yikes! Mt. Pleasant made national news with the amount of snow that fell in just one day and night. I think it was around 14" or so. Maybe more. I made it to work at 11:30, after the snow plow finally made it into our housing development.

Just for effect, here's some pics. The first one is a shot of the snow on top of the car-port at Joelle's apartment. The second one is a shot out of a window at the hospital where she works. It's simply incredible.

Today I'm home, although I do have to go out to a meeting this afternoon. It's been a long and busy week. My Access to Recreation Project is up and running. I have lots of things to do to make this all happen and be completed by June of 2009.

I need to spend some time with the Lord this morning and sort myself out. I'm asking for guidance, wisdom, and direction this morning. Clarity and timing. is something that's a must.

So, with that in mind....off I go.

sos

They shall mount up with wings as eagles....

One of my favorite scriptures is, "They who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint."

Monday I was awarded with the Eagle Award from the M.P. Rotary Club. This is the biggest award they hand out each year via the Chamber of Commerce. I am the one they chose,who to them, exemplifies "Service above self." It's a big deal. I'll be honored, with my family members along side at a big dinner at Bucks Run Golf Course. I was surprised and blessed. I told Bill, "I finally won something." He corrected me saying, you didn't win Kathy, you earned it. The funny thing is, I was just walking along in life, doing what needed to be done, just being myself. I guess that's what it's all about. Geez, and all this time I thought it was the hokey pokey.


On Saturday we celebrated my mom's 86th birthday. It was fun to have a special lunch with my family members. My favorite part, other than the fact that my mother is still alive, was the Chantilly Cake. Yum....My mom's wish as she blew out the candles? "That I'll have another one," referring to her birthday.

The snow won't stop falling this year. It's a winter like the days of old, when I was a kid. Now, if I could just "fit" on a sled and head for the hills. I really don't mind the winter at all. I love the smell of the crisp frosty air. But, I might skip work tomorrow if the roads haven't been plowed. They were treacherous today.

Well, before heading to bed this early early morning, I'm going to post a favorite picture of mine that was taken on Saturday. Two of my dearest loves....

January

It's almost the end of the month and I haven't blogged all month. It's been busy.

Tonight I'm disappointed. My boy Mitt lost to McCain in Florida. I just can't seem to like McCain when he supports amnesty and didn't support the Bush tax cuts. He sides with the dems half the time. His last name is McCain Fiengold, McCain Kennedy, and McCain Lieberman. He's seems like a phony to me. I may not vote in November if he's the nominee. Let the dems win. If the country's going down hill, let it be on their watch.

On the lighter side I spent the weekend with my grand-daughters. They rock my world and I rock them. Here's some of the latest and greatest. Leah is 2 years old and Susanna is 2 months.